When life gets you down – go higher. How I became a beauty queen.

Gita Gavare / Beauty contest from Gita Gavare Marotis on Vimeo.

There are moments in life when we believe that everything is falling apart.
Life can be painful. Devastatingly so.

 

I was 22 and just went through a traumatic experience.
I told only my sister and few other involved knew about it.

 

I even didn’t consider going to the police – not only I didn’t trust it, I was also afraid of it.
I was judging myself hard enough and I didn’t expect anything else from surroundings so I chose to keep it for myself.

 

Latvia (my home country) just recently regained freedom from the soviet occupation.
The whole new world opened and the euphoria soon was overtaken by practical changes.
Things got chaotic and unpredictable.

 

Industries collapsed and jobs disappeared.
Money lost its value.
My grandma’s belief that hard work and hustle equals security in form of money got crushed when she saw her hard-earned life savings had turned into pennies.

 

So the challenges were both a country scale and personal.
Life seemed unbearable and meaningless.

 

And since I had no idea how to deal with the country wise problem I did the best to solve my personal.

 

This is my last message to you: in sorrow, seek happiness.”

/Fyodor Dostoyevsky, "The Brothers Karamazov"

I got on the most practised survival therapy form in the country: vodka.
So this is how got by for a couple of months.
And even though my inner guard never allowed to get completely lost in vodka the hangovers were nasty.

 

Shame and unworthiness were eating me up.

 

“And the more I drink the more I feel it. That’s why I drink too. I try to find sympathy and feeling in drink…. I drink so that I may suffer twice as much!”

/Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

 

Sometimes I thought it would be easier to put end to it all.
But since I already had tried to kill myself at my 16s (unsuccessfully thanks to the unexpected intervention of my nephew) I believed that I was meant to live.
In spite.

 

And my ego wouldn’t give up and insisted on trying to feel better, so one morning all dressed up, (including that big blond hair and makeup as usual), I joined the local german culture club.
I even took my two sisters with, the youngest was only 10 – because I was too insecure to go on my own.

 

While I still kept in touch with my friends and vodka, I felt so much better being around the fine establishment.

 

I met new friends (with some of them I’m still keeping in touch) improving my german skills and performing in small sketches and some celebrations.
It gave some meaning to life since I still was jobless.

 

There is no education like adversity. 
Benjamin Disraeli
And then in the little local newspaper, I read about the first beauty contest in the town.

 

I knew I have to participate because:

 

– I was desperate for recognition and approval from others.
– I wanted to prove and show “them” that I was something.
– I wanted to feel better about myself, to feel more worthy.
But I was also scared and worrying because of a bunch of obstacles:

 

-I didn’t believe I was beautiful enough.
-I wasn’t thin enough.
-I didn’t believe I was good enough.
-I had this shameful secret.
-I was missing a tooth and you could see it  (I still blame the dentists of soviet union – those who grew there will understand).
-I didn’t have money (for shoes, a dress, stockings and swimsuit and solarium).

 

Thankfully some part of me (my ego? my higher self? never figured it out, LOL) knew that I can fix my looks and make myself look pretty and would somehow solve the other issues.

 

 

So I borrowed from a friend a fitted, beige jacket that matched a skirt I had and headed to apply to the contest.

 

I was nervous as it was an examen.
Honestly, it felt like.

 

There were many many girls. I sat next to a pretty girl from my village.
We talked and I compared myself with her and doubted if I had a chance.
(I wonder if she did same?)

 

We got measured and for the first time in my life, I was grateful for my height.
I was accepted – I was good enough.
The pretty girl from my village was too short for the contest.
I felt lucky that I had not to be in the skin of those girls who got rejected.
Maybe also some of them saw this as a chance to come out of hopelessness.
I succeeded to impress the jury too, told the manager of the event and advised me to walk tall.

 

Honestly, I remember only one question: which place I would like to travel to.
I didn’t have any idea, but I remember one of my friends was excited about New Zealand.
So I said New Zealand.
The “cultural” (some locally known artist) guy in the jury became my fan – I guess because all the other girls were talking about Italy, and France and Greece.

 

So there I was upcoming potential beauty queen.
We had 2 weeks to be ready for the show and there was nothing glamorous.

 

I desperately tried to lose weight so I was starving half of the time.
Then I would give up the fight with hunger and go all in for my mother’s baked potatoes in pork fat and bacon.

 

Afterwards running 10km in the rain and snow, hating and beating myself up for being such a looser.
And as more I focussed of being fat it became impossible to become thinner.

 

Back then I didn’t know that where attention goes energy flows or what you focus on grows.
I managed to fix the missing tooth thing (it shows there were some good dentists too).

 

I sold my land certificates (some compensation paper for the communist occupation all Latvians got) for approx $ 80.
(Later I learned some smart people became millionaires by buying these certificates, my grandma was having hard time seeing that some people got wealthy without hard work and self-sacrifice).

 

The “certificate” money wasn’t enough, so I got my sister with me to sell our blood.
We got approx $10 and I bought a pair of shoes.
The night before the show I saw my red dress.

 

beautycontestquote
I walked the 10 km to the city and together with other 20 girls got ready for the show.
I so wanted to win but I didn’t believe I would.

 

And I was afraid to win -then there was a huge risk that my shameful secret would be disclosed.
Both to my disappointment and relief I didn’t get the crown.
But I enjoyed the one night of fame.

 

Although it didn’t remove the shame and unworthiness I felt inside, it taught me a great deal.
Among other that the importance of inner confidence, how you carry yourself and trusting that there is always a solution.

 

However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at.

/Stephen Hawking

 

So, when life knocks you down – don’t give up and I invite you 3 following steps.
  • Be mindful of your thoughts/ beliefs, ask for help, get a mentor, get a healing for your trauma(s).
  • Take care of your grooming, dress up – it will uplift your spirit. When you honour yourself others will too.
  • Take an action: join some interest clubs, courses and go to events. You will meet people, make new friends, good opportunities will appear.

 

If you would like my support to feel more confident, beautiful or courageous – please let me know.

 

Feminine power – do women make the best business owners? Lovelda Smith tells.

What is it all about? 
All this feminist kind of talk – your wonder.  Show me the money, you say.
If women were to be the best why there are so few of them?
It’s my guess that these are the questions you got when you saw this headline.
I tell you: there isn’t smoke without a fire. 
This interview is all about it.
Lovelda Smith who is the founder of Collaboration Club and brilliant mentor (said my her mentorees) and helps others to be paid for their creative genius.
Business takes courage says Lovelda.
Enjoy – and don’t give up because of those rocky rhymes – it’s only for the first 3 minutes :)

 

If you want to learn more about Lovelda Smith visit her website 
We would love to hear your thoughts and takeaways :)

Still single? Here is why – Barry Selby tells.

 

Beautiful young wedding couple standing on the beach

                                                                                                                            Have you been wanting and looking for the love of your life?
Or are you wishing for more joy, life and love into your relationship?
I am.
So, when I learned about Barry Selby –  known as The Love Doctor and author of best-selling book  50 Ways to Love Your Lover I was excited to hear what he has to say.
Barry Selby is a passionate champion for the divine feminine. He helps women become wise and smart in their dating choices. He is passionate about women being honored and respected in love.
As well I wanted to hear a man’s point of view about all this dating thing.
In this video Barry Selby shares his advice about dating, femininity, and men – enjoy!

 

 

If you are serious about love, about true partnership, and about the dream of romance you have had forever, you want to check Barry’s programs: The Love Confidant – Dating advantage and / or Your Dating advantage
 Or start with this beautifully written, inspirational and practical guide
to show you 50 ways you can have more love, romance and deep fulfillment in your relationship (or the one you will have!)  50 Ways to Love Your Lover
Please share you takeaways and a-ha moments!
Lot’s of love,
Gita

How to live & work effortlessly with Marina Pearson

howtoliveworkeff

 

How to go from depression, 2 suicide attempts, eating disorder, drugs and alcohol addiction to a joyful life and effortless entrepreneurship. 
And to become the No.1 best-selling author of the multi-award winning book Goodbye Mr Ex and make a living by supporting professional women and female entrepreneurs to transform all types of stress into effortless results and living through my coaching practice and live events.

 

And to become also an international speaker who has spoken at Ted X London, in Florida and Singapore to more than 400+ entrepreneurs.
And having a harmonious & loving relationship and family.
I was excited to learn all about effortless lifestyle and invited Marina Pearson, who is the creator of  Effortless Lifestyle and Your Pathway to Love for a conversation.
I wanted to know how she does it as I also wish to live and work effortlessly. 

 

(Your Pathway to Love is a 2 day program teaching you how to bridge the gap between life, love and the profitable business you desire – and the Early Bird offer is valid till the 18th of May 2016)

 

 We met over at Blab and Marina told about her way, struggles and how she discovered and how you can live effortlessly as well.
You can watch the conversation here – please skip over to first 9 minutes (we had to learn how to “dance” on Blab :)

Enjoy and let us know about your takeaways.
Lots of love,
Gita

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