Yes, life is not always a strawberry cake – often far from that for many of us.
Terrible things happen, mistakes, bad choices.
We wish that those things never happened.
The shadow of them are following us tightly but we don’t want to do anything with it.
It’s too painful.
It’s too shameful.
We think it makes us less than and unworthy.
And we can’t enjoy life or notice all the miracles.
It drains our energy and vitality.
But as the Japanese philosophy wabi-sabi, close to the fine art of “kintsugi” – repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver or platinum and thus highlighting the cracks, says:
– things are more beautiful when they were put back together that once were broken.
When we stop denying and hiding our wounds, brokenness, trauma, flaws and imperfections and instead embracing them we become more beautiful.
And when we feel beautiful we feel good.
When we feel good we do good.
And the “joie de vivre” is easy.
PS. Love the dress I’m wearing? You can get similar here:
No experience, no ” mistake” (mistake is just a part of a learning curve), being different and not being a “standard” or “normal” make you not good enough.
I became self-conscious about my looks early.
Being shamed at school for having lice, for spots on my uniform, and dirty nails.
A cake, white bread with cinnamon and raisins.
Or wine. It’s when the deep dark grief knocks me down. It’s when I feel gruellingly unhappy and I don’t like this feeling.
I don’t want to feel this way.
I shouldn’t be feeling this way – I try to convince myself each time.
It’s like I feel all the horrible things/ pain happening in the world extremely intense.
I would do all possible healing there are, listen to uplifting speakers and music to avoid/ get rid of that feeling.
Eat the cake or have a glass of wine or two.
Today was this day. Unexpected.
I saw a video of a dog protecting a child from a danger.
And it recalled the memory from my childhood when our dog didn’t allow my mother & family to punish me.
And no, my mother/ family weren’t monsters. They did what they were taught/ believed was right to do.
I was approx 3 years old, taken my brother, who was 1 1/2 and we disappeared into the woods.
Our house was just next to it.
So we walked and explored the forest and our dog followed us.
I even remember its’ name.
Of course, when our parents discovered we were gone, they were freaking out like crazy.
I actually remember clearly the scene when they found us.
There were lots of people. My grandmother. Some aunts.
Me, my brother and the dog stood in the middle of the circle of the adults.
As I was the eldest and apparently the reason of the whole trouble, I had to be punished.
So I can learn and not do things like that again.
Feeling scared and ashamed.
Alone and so small against the angry world.
But when my mom approached me, the dog wouldn’t allow her to come close to me.
Someone else tried and the dog wouldn’t let him either.
There I suddenly felt safe.
The dog protected me.
So, I escaped the punishment.
Thanks to the dog.
Today I know, that deep grief comes, among other, from the feeling unsafe/ unprotected by my parents.
It shouldn’t be the dog but them who should protect a child.
I know many people go/ have been through much worse, but today I am not belittling my feelings.
I allow myself to feel the grief.
I cry and cry.
First, it felt like that heavy never ending rain.
And then it dissolves.
It takes the grief with.
Wasn’t that bad.
It did hurt and wasn’t beautiful.
Feelings aren’t dangerous, but it takes lots of courage to feel them.
I know grief.
And I’m not afraid of it any longer.
It taught me a wisdom and love.
I love my mom, and my dad & all the other crowd- even it’s still difficult to say it loud (in our culture no one said it unless you were tipsy/ drunk – however, thankfully I never spared all the love/ loving words for my children).
Forgiving is not a big issue for me, as I can see the whole picture.
Avoiding the painful feeling has been the big issue.
Now I know better.
I just damn cry if I feel like.
Suppressing/ controlling/ not feeling aren’t the answer and it’s extremely unloving towards yourself and your loved ones.
F*ck you! F*ck you! F*ck you! F*ck you!……..
I had never shown anyone this side of me.
Please, mummy, don’t become old, said, my daughter.
The clothes you wear and the way you groom yourself affects the way other people will see & hear you.
There are moments in life when we believe that everything is falling apart.
Life can be painful. Devastatingly so.
I was 22 and just went through a traumatic experience.
I told only my sister and few other involved knew about it.
I even didn’t consider going to the police – not only I didn’t trust it, I was also afraid of it.
You have to suffer for beauty they say.
But you don’t have to.
I’m all about joy and fun and glad to share my 3 best ways to keep up radiance, great health and looks.
Let me know how it goes.
And keep in mind that you are born to make this world more beautiful.
This is my No.1 tool I use as a self-protection, to deal with unpleasant people and challenging circumstances.
A story about being highjacked by a hornet and why it didn’t sting me.
So, what do you think?
Something you can use as well?
Let me know
1 2 3 Next